he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
do herpes really smell.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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