Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
