redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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