Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
