i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
