a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you had me at cake vodka
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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