I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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