12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize