Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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