the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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