you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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