i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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