thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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