I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
