On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
