and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize