can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
