she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
