my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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