she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
