my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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