I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I could make wine with my vomit
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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