direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
