Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
