Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
