This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
