i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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