Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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