do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
