Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Too much gin, very little bucket
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize