In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
