Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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