You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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