My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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