I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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