Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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