Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
