I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
