My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize