I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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