Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
