I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
