The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize