Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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