How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
