i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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