ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
please come you make the beer taste better
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
