one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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