Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize