i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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