My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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