Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
