my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize