Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
