So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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