i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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