we have officially lost it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
