You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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