he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
