he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
