Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
