Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
