____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize