We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
