I want you more than these girls want KFC
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
