Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
