Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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