Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So much Jack, so little girl.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
