Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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