turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
