i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
