Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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