ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
