Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
