i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
