I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize