i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We named our party play list daddy issues
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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