My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
