I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
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