perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
