I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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