sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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