did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I met the friendliest cop last night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up under a house in Key West
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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