Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
