yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
