Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
