How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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