things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think I am morally bankrupt
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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