Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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