he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
