the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
