he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
