Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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