im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently you make a good broom.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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