you guys were way drunker than both of me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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