so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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