that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
