he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
