Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize