Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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