Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
