Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
