Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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