oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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