So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
this is an emotional support booty call
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
