Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
