yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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