Nicole vs. Life
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
